So it seems the Jay has arranged a weekend away during the season! That will have to change for next year, I’ve docked his wages and given him a slap on the wrist. That unfortunately means that this week i’m left with doing a write up on all the matches this weekend! So, i’ll get straight into it. They won’t be as well done as Jay, he’s a mighty talented man when it comes to scribbling up a little info on the matches for the week!
Bills @ Bengals
As you may be aware from last weeks writeups, I’m a Bengals fan. Why?! You ask, well, they look like tigers, and as a young impressionable child, I thought that was cool. so I’ve followed them from the days of Imlach and Channel 4. Maybe not the best reason, and I kind of wish I liked Cowboys like a normal boy at the moment in time! They usually make the playoffs, but are going to struggle this year, the combination of a tough schedule and losing players/coaches in the off-season, and injuries to a few decent draft picks has hammered them. They were garbage against the Giants on Monday, couldn’t protect Dalton at QB, couldn’t run the ball, couldn’t stop the run. All this against an average Giants side. This week look for AJ Green, obviously, he should get a score. Dalton is actually a top 10 QB most weeks, which says something to how well he’s playing with not much around him. Hill/Bernard. Choose at your own peril, Hill has scored in 3 consecutive games now though! Oh, and Tyler Eifert. He’s good.
The Bills have Tyrod Taylor at QB, who’s on the edge of top 5 performing QBs week in, week out, mainly thanks to his running ability, as his options in the passing game aren’t great. Robert Woods has been doing ok, and is the main target, Marquise Goodwin is usually there or thereabouts, and Justin Hunter has done OK, it’ll be interesting to see how Percy Harvin does after returning for a couple of weeks training with the Bills again, they need some help in the passing game, and he may provide it. They don’t, however, need any help in the run game, LeSean McCoy is having a great year, and there’s no reason why his OL won’t provide gaps for him to run into Burfict in the second level. I love Iron Mike Gillislee too, and he usually chips in with a few yards and the odd TD when games go in their favour, so hopefully we won’t see much of him this week.
Prediction – It’s gonna be a tight match, I think the Bills will probably win it, but that’s supporter pessimism as much as anything.
Steelers @ Browns
So, the Steelers stink on the road, they lost to Phillie, to Miami, and then to the Ravens, it’s brilliant, hilarious, and fully deserved. They also lost a thrilling, potential game of the year at home to the Cowboys last week, which is nothing to be ashamed about, they’re a rather good team. – This week they won’t lose for the 5th week running, if you ever wanted a game to play on a bad streak, then this is it. Lev Bell will score, Antonio Brown should do too, he scored 3 and went for +300yds against the Browns last year, the returning Ladarius Green, or Jesse James at TE should get in, and most other skill players are in with a shot of a score as well, the Browns are shocking. One thing to note about this matchup though is the weather, it’s apparently going to be around 30mph winds which is approaching the speed that will affect passes and kicks, so expect a stronger ground game and less Big Ben than usual. Good for Lev Bell owners (I have him in 1 of my 4 leagues)
The Browns. The Browns… erm… they’re officially a team in the National Football League. They’re junk, they seem to be playing for Hue Jackson, but they’re mainly a shambles. I think they’ll be starting Cody Kessler at QB, it doesn’t really matter. The only player of note in the passing game is Tyrelle Pryor, although Corey Coleman plays his second game back from his hand injury and might see the ball. However, the aforementioned weather could lead to this being an Isaiah Crowell game, as much as it can be a “game” for anyone in this team. They have said he needs to get into the game more, and the Steelers got smashed last week against RBs (although it being a potential MVP could of been the reason for that) It would be nice to see Ryan Shazier costing his team a score or two again.
Prediction – The Steelers scrape to a 2 touchdown win. Then go and beat up some kittens. They’re horrible people.
Jaguars @ Lions
Speaking of teams that stink… The Jacksonville Jaguars have a QB who has admitted that he can’t throw the ball, and they don’t seem to be able to do anything to help him. For fantasy he’s usually a viable player as the team will always be at least a score down in the first quarter and he loves garbage time at the end of the game. Allen Robinson has been seriously hindered by the lack of service this season, although has managed a few scores late on in matches. Marquis Lee has emerged as the second target there, while Allen Hurns has fallen off a bit this season. Julius Thomas has somehow caught a few TDs in recent weeks despite being seemingly useless for 59 mins of the matches he’s been in. Chris Ivory is the better running back, and since replacing their offensive coordinator a couple of weeks ago, they seem to be wanting to try and emphasise the running game, hardly a surprise with a pick throwing crap machine at QB. If they somehow manage to make it to the second quarter with a modicum of potential in the game then you could see him getting a few runs, although TJ Yeldon does like to chip in and share the load with Ivory, Ivory is the short yardage back in general. – That’s far too much writing for the Jags.
The Lions however, are exciting. Matthew (NEVER MATT) Stafford has been great this year, leading 4th quarter drives to win key matches seemingly week in, week out. After a week off last week to re-group, they’ve essentially been gifted another week rest this week. He’s been throwing a lot more in recent week to Golden Tate, which sucks for Marvin Jones, and people who own(ed) him in all 4 of their leagues… But they’ve been winning games, and looking good in doing it. Anquan Boldin had been operating as a de facto tight end until Eric Ebron returned last match, Tate ended with 11 catches, Ebron with 7, and everyone else shared 5 catches between them. The run game has been pretty much non-existent, but Theo Riddick is back now and works well usually as a pass catching back, but he’s been putting in a shift as a proper RB recently. He’s probably the most likely to score for the Lions, and therefore in this game.
Prediction – The Lions win by 9 points after being 25 ahead going into the 4th quarter.
Titans @ Colts
An AFC South BANGER for everyone to enjoy. I actually wouldn’t of minded this game being on TV, it should be the highest scoring game of the weekend, the Titans have scored 47, 35, 36 and 26 in the last 4 games going backwards, that 26 was in the first game against the Colts which they lost, since then though they’ve come through as one of the best teams in the league to watch, putting a stop to everyone mocking “Exotic Smashmouth” at the start of the season. DeMarco Murray is 2nd in rushing yards, unsurprisingly second to Zeke. He’s been on fire recently, and the Titans O-line has been great. Mariota has will set a franchise record this week with a multiple TD game, that’s likely to happen against this awful Colts secondary. Rishard Matthews and Delanie Walker are major threats in the passing game, Matthews has 6 TDs in the last 6 games, a record he shares with OBJ. Walker has 3 in his last 4 games, he and Matthews both scored in that first game vs the Colts.
The wonderColts (minus 100 man points if you get that reference) are awful on defence, but boast, even I’ll admit, a rather good QB in Andrew Luck, he’s been smashed to bit this year because of his shitty O-Line, but has shown he can still put up the numbers, and they’re still in with a chance to win this god awful division. TY Hilton has been the main beneficiary of Lucks prowess, but with Moncrief back, I personally think he’s the most likely TD scorer for the team in that aspect. Dwayne Allen is back to share Tight end duties with Jack ‘secret agent’ Doyle so that detracts from either of them being a fantasy asset. Frank Gore will never die. He will get 83 yards rushing, 2 catches for 12 yards, and a touchdown. – Amazingly the Colts have won the last 10 against the Titans and 15 of the last 16. That record is about to end.
Prediction – The Titans win in a 73 point thriller. To go to 6-5 and keep up their charge for the worst division in football. (Even worse than the AFC North)
Buccaneers @ Chiefs
The Buccs destroyed an awful Jay Cutler lead Chicago Bears team last week, mainly without using their star player, Mike Evans, which shafted me as a bettor and a fantasy owner, he only finished with half decent number because of Jamesis Winston’s play of the season, evading the entire Bears team while running into his own end zone and out again to throw a 40-yarder to Evans on the half way line, if he’d led him on the throw it would of been a TD, but you can’t have everything. Doug Martin – The Muscle Hamster (by far the best nickname in all of sports) was back for the Buccs, and got 16 carries for 33 yards and a 1yd TD, hardly impressive, but in his first game back after 2 months scratching his arse, it wasn’t all bad. I’ve tried acquiring him in 2 leagues, but failed, I have a feeling he’s the missing piece for this offence. Cameron Brate has scored in his last 3 games at tight end, that stops this week as the Chiefs don’t concede many points, and even less to tight ends, giving up just 1 TD to that position all year. Adam Humphries will catch 3 or 4 passes for a few yards too.
The Chiefs are the least exciting 7-2 team in the history of everything, they’ve actually won 17 of the last 19 regular season games, which is just ridiculous. They could probably blow teams out every week if they wanted to, but where’s the fun in that when you can have your QB throw for 198 yards, a touchdown or 2 and 0.3 interceptions every week and win each game by less than 6 points. They can do this because they have a brilliant defence, Marcus Peters is excellent and basically won the game for them last week by literally ripping the ball out of Kelvin Benjamin’s arms, and he’s a big fucker. That set up pro bowl kicker Cairo Santos for the game icing kick. Tyreek Hill is a man you want to look at in fantasy though, if Alex Smith ever looks downfield, (It happens once every few weeks) then he looks for this emerging speed machine, even more so in the abscence of Jeremy ‘distinctly average’ Maclin. Spencer Ware is there in the run game, but having a sneakily poor season, he’s only scored 2 TDs all season?! Basically if you can get the Chiefs defence, then snap it up, otherwise you’re probably hitting up Spencer, as an RB3/Flex or Ty-Freak as a flex dart throw.
Predictions – The Chiefs continue their underwhelming dominance, leading by 4 points with 10 mins left they force Jameis to throw an interception in the end zone, and see out the game by running 15 times.
Cardinals @ Vikings
How the mighty have fallen. The Cardinals last year were the most explosive offence around, but my god, they’ve been awful this year, luckily they have one of the top 3 defences in the league to keep them in most games, and my personal number 1 running back in David Johnson, he’s awesome. He’ll get most of the plays this week against a fairly solid, but hugely overworked Vikings defence. Larry Fitzgerald will never die. He’ll get 7 receptions for 64 yards. John Brown, Michael Floyd, JJ Nelson. They’re all receivers who may or may not do something… Floyd had over 100 yards last week, he may well have nothing this week such is this Arizona offence. I like JJ Nelson and was happy when he got his chance, but he’s proved to be a one trick pony, with apparently crappy pony hooves that can’t catch passes.
The Vikings. Hmmm…
Stefon Diggs?… He’s going to be shadowed by Patrick Peterson, he’s quite good at his job… Yeah, the Vikings have no-one. Nothing. Nowhere on their, if you have to start any of them, you probably won’t be winning your week in fantasy. Diggs set an NFL record in the last game becoming the first player with 13 receptions in 2 consecutive games. He won’t make it to three. They have no run game. Adam Thielen may be their best WR in this matchup with Peterson shutting down Diggs (although on the other side of the coin, it’s little quick guys like this that Peterson struggles with the most) Oooo, ooooo, Cordarelle Patterson, someone I’ve tipped a couple of weeks in a row now, they’re trying to make him something, and that’s worth a lot in the NFL, he might… Just might score. Kyle ‘The red zone reindeer’ Rudolph will likely not become the first tight end to score against the Cardinals this season.
Prediction – The Cardinals win a stinker. 17-9. David Johnson with both of the TDs. – Basically, take the unders.
Bears @ Giants
The Bears suck. They’re rebuilding and one piece of this team who won’t be there is Jay Cutler, he’s capable of brilliance, once every 10 games or so, he’s also capable of last weeks figures where, if it wasn’t for a hail mary the Cameron Meredith made the play on, he would of finished with negative points in fantasy. Another player who won’t be there next year, also won’t be on the team for the next 4 weeks, Alshon Jeffrey, undoubtedly talented has been suspended for taking PEDs, which seems unlikely given his injury history, surely someone on those should be healthy for more than half a season at a time? Anyway, people who will be playing. Cameron Meredith, he caught a Touchdown pass last week. Eddie Royal will be in he might do something. Jordan Howard is injured… no he’s not, yes he is. His coach believed he was, he said he wasn’t. Who knows. Jeremy Langford is back to mix up the backfield along for Kadeem Carey who may get a few…………… Careys…………. *puts on sunglasses* They’re a really bad team. Oh, and Zach Miller is a potentially viable fantasy play at tight end, but you really don’t want to.
The Giants beat my Bengals last Monday, seriously, I woke up at 130am to watch that shit. They looked… average…. just a slightly higher average than the Bengals, Eli threw 2 INTs and 2 TDs which is pretty much his season. They have a guy called Beckham who’s fairly impressive, his second half record in his previous seasons is literally second to none, and he’s scored 3 in 2 since the turn. The Bears and Tracey Porter are mildly adequate at containing no.1 targets, which should mean targets for Sterling Shepard, who has also scored in the last two matches, and is someone I’ve drafted into every team I could this week, I think he’s in for a big match. Victor Cruz is back into the fray after missing last week as well, and he could have a decent game against an otherwise poor Bears defence. Rashad Jennings is a running back, he’s not very good, unless he’s playing the Bengals, then he looks amazing. Paul Perkins is supposed to be getting mixed into this running game more and more, but that’s yet to happen, worth keeping an eye on though.
Prediction – Giants win. Eli throws for 4 TDs, all to Sterling Shepard, single-handedly winning my matchups, Giants somehow only score 23 pts though.
Patriots @ 49ers
I honestly think this is the real reason that Jay took the week off this week. He didn’t want to write up this game. The Patriots drop a 50-burger on the hapless 49ers. Martellus Bennett scores 2, TheGary Blount gets 2, Dion Lewis makes his comeback and scores a TD, Chris Hogan gets a long once from a Brady throw, Gronk flies in on his own private jet, GronkAir, gets kitted up in his iron lung, rolled out on the field and dominates the 49ers “defence” for a play and also scores.
The 49ers will score a touchdown from a Kaepernick rush… He’s actually been a top 10 QB in the few weeks he’s played, throwing for 398, 2 tds, 210 and 1 and rushing for 1 last week. His favourite target seems to be Quiton Patton, you’re not playing him, although Jeremy Kerley scored last week for them. Torey Smith is nowhere. Carlos Hyde is another week further along on his recovery from a shoulder injury and can’t do worse than his 13 carries for 14 yards last week. Vance McDonald. Is… going to score this week. He’ll take a 10 yard dump off to the house with 5 mins left in the game for his only reception of the night to make the game a respectable 55-10.
Prediction – 49ers win.
Eagles @ Seahawks
The Eagles win at home. Lose away. And they visit the Clink. They’re not gonna win. Ryan Matthews was something last week, over 100 yards and 2 touchdowns after being told that he was second choice. In fairness, they executed the game plan perfectly last week, ground and pound. They didn’t allow the Falcons offence on the field and controlled the ball. Well played Doug Peterson, Well played. Darren Sproles was supposed to be the no.1 RB for them last week, he got 2 carries, although 8 catches for 57 yards. Their passing game is still below average, Jordan Matthews is the main man there, 6 for 73 last week, but Zach Ertz has emerged as a decent yard getter in recent times, he still won’t get in the end zone, but he makes catches at least. Bryce Treggs… That’s it, i’ll leave his name here, he can run 4.34 40 time, yet they didn’t use him at all last week.
The Seahawks waived Christine Michael, which was a shock to me, he’s played admirably all year, and scored 6 TDs this season for the team, but they obviously checked out CJ Prosise last week against the Patriots last week and liked what they saw, and it was pretty impressive – 17 carries for 66 yards, 7 catches for 87 yards, not bad at all for a kid so early in his career, he is a converted wide receiver so shouldn’t be too much of a shock him being involved heavily in the passing game. Thomas Rawls is now back from his Fibula injury after a painful 2 months of me stashing him on my bench, and i’m praying he can return to what he was pre-injury. There’s conflicting reports as to what he’ll be able to do this week, however, to my ears at least, they’re fairly positive, Coach Pete Carroll seemed to suggest that he will be able to handle whatever they want him to, and if he starts well, they’ll keep him in, whether they do or not remains to be seen. Last week Doug Baldwin finally rewarded everyone who kept him in their fantasy teams, and punished those of us who decided they’d had enough and dropped the fucker for the week. 3 TDs, of only 59 yards, that’s efficiency people. Last week also saw Russell Wilson looking much more comfortable that he has been and must sharper, also operating a lot more in the pocket, which would lead you to think that they’ve maybe sorted their offensive line problems to a certain extent. Last season they improved hugely at the money end of the season, and it seems like they’re doing the same again this year. Jimmy Graham and Tyler Lockett need minor mentions too, especially as Graham is going to score this week.
Precition – Seahawks win – One does not simply walk into the CLink and win.
It’s over. Done. I can’t believe Jay does this every week, fair play to the man. Maybe he deserves his weekend off after all. His wages however will be severely docked this week.
As he usually finishes with his lineups for the week, because, you know, everyone always wants to knows about other peoples fantasy teams, i’ll leave these here… I’m playing him this week, these are our lineups…
The 7-3 Siemians Bronco Disco – Carr, Lev Bell, E. Elliott, D.Baldwin, S. Smith Snr, Walker @ TE, CJ Prosise at Flex, Janikowski, Cowboys D. – On my bench – Booker on bye, J.Hill, Starks, Cobb, Marvin Jones, Tyrell Williams – Bye. – Yes my RBs are awesome, yes I have LITERALLY all of them.
The 6-4 Somewhere over the Dwayne Bowe – Mariota, McCoy, Spencer Ware, A.Brown, Mike Evans, Kelce, Moncrief, Bailey (DAL), Giants D – On his bench – Brees (15.4 pts in the bank) – Coleman and Gordon on Bye, Crowder, Rishard Matthews, Chargers D – Bye.
Predicted pts has him winning by 1.5 points. Safe to say it’s going to be a close one!
Hope you enjoyed reading, and if you made it this far, make sure you tweet us to let us know you made it through all 3,626 words… Man i’m tired.